the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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