Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
