Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
