Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
