dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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