I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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