good thing vaginas are great cup holders
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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