I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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