Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
