Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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