i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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