it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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