she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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