honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
