My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
