and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
