I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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