proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
