I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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