dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she smelled like a LAN party
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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