Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
