so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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