What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
