You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize