Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
