I'm lost and stupid without you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
