brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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