what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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