I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
