I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
