I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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