you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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