pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
