people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
