it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
