The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
