I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
