everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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