I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
