Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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