its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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