We should be called the Road Head Warriors
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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