do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bang-toberfest begins!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
