Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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