I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
