K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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