just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize