If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
