I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
