I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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