Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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