He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
