My sheets look like a crime scene.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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