Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
