Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
