my sisters under your porch take her home
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
