Can Purell be used as lube?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
