They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
