I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
