You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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