just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
