I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
