Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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