Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
