I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
