Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
