do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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