I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
