I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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