Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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