dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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