saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
