Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
