Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
