did you get engaged???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize