Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
