this just has baby written all over it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
