Need sex. Gaining weight.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
